THE FIFTH HOUSE: The part of the astrological birthchart that represents creative self-expression, children, love affairs, pleasure, and risk.
In the fall of 2005 I finished the umpteeth and final polishing of the manuscript for Perfect Together: Astrology, Karma and You and shipped it off to my agent, thereby sending it out into the world beyond the safe and loving eyes and hands of those who had ever seen or touched it. Almost immediately, a thirty-year-old image flashed before me: I was back in the early morning autumn of a September day, walking hand-in-hand with my first-born treasure of a child to the school bus stop at the corner of our street. I watched her bravely climb up the steps into the vehicle that would take her out into the world beyond my safe and loving heart and hands, protected and guided only by a jaunty oversized orange cardboard leaf emblazoned with “SASHA L. – MISS IDAVEO – ROOM 128” that was hanging from a bright red cord around her neck.
Energetically, those two moments were as near to identical as any comparison of apples to oranges could be in the fruitful terrain of a Fifth House experience. And (I’m really mixing the metaphors now) that memory was the icing on the cake of a realization that had been dawning with increasing clarity during the previous months as I labored – yes, labored – to finally push out my book.
CONCEPTION. When I gave birth to my daughters, you couldn’t even know that you were really pregnant until either some soft, cuddly, but happily unknown bunny gave its life for the cause, or enough weeks had elapsed to allow bodily changes of one kind or another make themselves known. So, when the idea for a book popped into my head virtually fully-formed as I sat summer-daydreaming on my porch more than four years ago, like a woman pregnant for only an hour, I didn’t realize that an important seed had germinated and that I was indeed pregnant, energetically, if not physically.
The book idea simply wouldn’t go away and only fleshed itself out more and more over the following weeks. Stories and anecdotes and chapter titles and outlines came forth in dreams and mental noodlings during my morning walk, or totally unexpectedly, like while I was playing “Little People” with my granddaughter. I jotted them all down in my journal if only as a precaution, for I was starting to suspect that something important was going on. There was excitement and a growing sense of purpose. And uncertainty – lots of uncertainty. There surely were enough issues and concerns to think about, like the voice in my head that asked “What makes you think you can write a book?!?” and the part of me that wondered how I could juggle this new development into an already over-committed busy and happy life. And what was I going to do with it if I ever finished it? Still, at the end, there really was only one response to make. I took a metaphorical deep breath and took up the challenge, and in so doing, I opened the door to a new, yet vaguely familiar, chapter in my life.
GESTATION. The seed that had germinated on my front porch continued to grow and develop over the next couple of years. The book doubled in size from the original concept as its necessary scope made itself known. As for me, the longer I was involved in the project, the more I fell totally, head-over-heels in love with it. I watched Perfect Together emerge page by page and revision by revision at a regular, measured pace. Peaceful and happy, I was immersed in a feeling of well-being that grew out of somehow knowing that what I was doing was exactly what I had been cut out to do at this time in my life, just as I had been more than thirty years earlier when, watching myself grow in size, I waited to give birth to one of my girls.
LABOR AND DELIVERY. Spring arrived and the dynamics changed dramatically. A mysterious, internal timing mechanism had kicked in and it was no longer okay to continue in the placid, love-drunk, anticipatory-but-not-rushed space I had been occupying for more than two years. Energy was gathering around the task like iron filings to a magnet, stirring with a new urgency. Without knowing how or why, the early stages of labor had begun, and it was becoming increasingly clear that it was time to strip life down in all areas and focus attention and energy to this one goal, no matter what it took.
Uncertainly, and rather reluctantly—I am not someone who’s energized by the idea of risk—I suspended my consulting and teaching practice completely, wondering whether it would be there when I was ready to return. I restructured the traditional activities and pleasures of the season, and hunkered down to get the job done. Take-out menus accumulated and became frayed from overuse. Requests for appointments were wait-listed, teaching and public appearance opportunities declined or deferred. With true labor having begun, and having given physical birth twice, I knew there would be precious little attention or energy available for anything that didn’t directly contribute to pushing this baby O-U-T. And although doulas had not been part of the pregnancy-and-delivery landscape back in the day, this time I had the chance to experience the great blessing of a facilitating coach and cheerleader when a genuine Book Angel, masquerading as one of my students, joined the team and was willing to do a whole lot for just a little mentoring.
Life narrowed to the metaphorical “push-breathe-push” of the work, a prolonged labor that culminated eventually after the Autumn Equinox in a month-long laser-intense focus of the final edit.
Whew! Delivery complete.
BAPTISM/BRIS/BARSALA (Hindu ritual held the eleventh day after birth to name a child). And so it became time to honor the birth and announce it to the world, giving thanks for the new creation. But how? As it had done in the past, the Universe contrived to send me just the message I didn’t even know I was waiting for. It came in the form of a casual conversation with a colleague who suggested that I might want to create a ritual, like wrapping the manuscript in a pure white cloth and leaving it in an important symbolic space for some time. Perfect.
It was exciting and fun to pick out the finely-woven natural linen cloth and take up my embroidery needle and French silk thread to sew the manuscript into its bunting. I tucked in some important mementos: the photograph of a Karmann Ghia sports car that had symbolically led me to an important opportunity that had deepened and enriched my work; a half-moon refrigerator magnet that was virtually identical to the logo on my business card that I had found in the street; a long thankful list of anyone and everyone who had ever helped and inspired me along the way that had led to the completion of the book. With a small prayer of gratitude, I gently set Perfect Together out under the sun and the moon and the stars for a week in a protected spot on our porch, right where I had been sitting when the idea for it first came into my mind.
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Ten days later, the book was in the mail, which brings me back full circle now to where this meditation began. Like my little girl, Perfect Together is out on its own to find its rightful place in the world. As I had done for Sasha and her younger sister Nikki, I had given it my all – the best I had which, of course, wasn’t always perfect or right, even though it was almost always at least 100%. My daughters have become glorious young women, alive in their own full and meaningful and happy lives. I hold this hope for the book, this child of my much-later years, knowing once again that, at the core, what was of utmost importance was the birthing and the nurturing and the giving it all I had.
Writing Perfect Together was an amazing Fifth House return, allowing me once again to give birth to something that has come out of me, to be sure, but very much more has come through me from some mysterious and sacred place. And it has given me the blessed opportunity to live in the grace of the quote that introduces it:
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.” (From the Gospel of Thomas) which is, after all, what a Fifth House experience is all about.
Epilogue: Commencement. Perfect Together was published this past spring by SterlingHouse Publisher.
NOTE : If you haven't read "Perfect Together," and/or are not already somewhat familiar with the astrological and karmic significance of the Nodes of the Moon, some of the following references and information may not be totally clear.
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More than three years ago, I sat down to write the first story for Perfect Together, "The Tale of the Karmann Ghia." I couldn't know how things would play out when I first spotted that mustard-colored, classic sports car from my front porch, but I followed its synchronous message and have never regretted a single step. And I was sitting in exactly the same spot on the porch one beautiful late-summer morning a year later when the idea for Perfect Together popped virtually fully-formed into my head. Although I wasn't thinking about it that way at the time, all the elements of a North Node experience were there: the excitement; the sense of purpose; the uncertainty; the "What, are you nuts? What makes you think you can write a book?" voice in my head. And the knowing - the deep, confident but not-knowing-why knowing that I had been given a huge and wonderful gift. It was my choice, as it always is for each of us, as to whether or not I would open the package, but that part was never really in question.
So here is a real-life example how astrology can help us understand our life's purpose, through another glimpse into my own life, living in the energies of my own perfect-together nodes:
North Node: Virgo in the Twelfth House. The Skillful Helpmate in the House of Spirit.
South Node: Pisces in the Sixth House. The Mystic in the House of Service.
We'll start with the karmic past, the South Node. We can use South Node symbolism to create stories that describe past life experience that is relevant to this lifetime's assignment. These stories may or may not have actually happened historically, but they absolutely describe an energetic imprint that affects us in the current lifetime. We look back to the "been there, done that" South Node with a negative bias, because we don't want to cling to the past, we want to move forward. So, stories created from South Node symbolism typically include what didn't get done, or got messed up.
With my South Node in Pisces in the Sixth House, we can imagine that in some lifetime I was an apprentice to a tribal shamanic healer (the Sixth House represents health and healing, among other things); or an aspiring transcendental (mystical) poet in Nineteenth Century New England; or perhaps the follower of an eastern spiritual guru. One way or another, I had experiences that made me aware that there is more to this world than what we can see and touch and comprehend with logic and intellect and our five senses. In other words, I became conscious. But I had a deep conviction that I wasn't ready to go out on my own and share what I knew about this consciousness thing so that others could benefit from it - that there was still more to learn; more skills to acquire; more personal qualities to perfect before I was "good enough." (The Sixth House also represents our efforts to improve our skills and perfect ourselves.) So I clung far too long to the role of apprentice - or student - or follower. Over time, I become more and more unable to claim my own competence and readiness, so I stayed dependent on my leader or mentor and never got to make my own contribution. Maybe I even sought escape from that sense of helplessness by losing myself in spiritual practices (apparently positive Piscean escapism) - or in spirits of another kind (clearly not positive Piscean escapism) - so that I wouldn't have to face the humiliation of my failure.
We can leave me there, adrift in spirit of one kind of another, and fast forward to this lifetime, when my North Node assignment is to become the "Skillful Helpmate (Virgo) in the House (Twelfth) of Spirit," to be of service to others in the realm of consciousness and spirituality. With a Virgo North Node, I'm still always feeling that there's more to do before I can step forward and make my contribution. I can tell you that there may be no one living today on the planet who has read more books, taken more notes, polished more papers, sat in more courses, or pulled more all-nighters in order to improve themselves and their skills than I have. I know that the danger this time around is that I'll repeat that karmic past and hold myself back again, and never decide that I'm ready to go forward and make my contribution.
Are you starting to lose track of what's what? No surprise. I have trouble keeping it all straight, and I'm the astrologer! With this house and sign combination, (and others - they're identified in Perfect Together and in the Perfect Together additional information on this website when they occur) the themes of this lifetime's assignment bear a striking resemblance to the experiences of the karmic past. It's simply hard to know when you're moving forward to the North Node or sliding back to the South. I don't always know when the disciplines and routines that have served me so well my whole life - throughout school and career, and raising my girls as a single mother, and reinventing myself a couple of times, and most recently working on Perfect Together while I kept on building my consultation and teaching practice - cross the line into the negative escapism of workaholism, or the self-critical never-good-enough manifestation of low-end Virgo or Sixth House energy. Was it tempting to keep heading out to the California astrology workshops I loved so much and learned so much from, when the energies moving through my chart shifted and it was time to pick up the pen and lay what I know on the line? You betcha. Can a call from a client going through a rough patch - or from a squeaky-wheel one that could be quieted with a little attention - throw a monkey-wrench into my schedule or take me away from much-needed rest and replenishment? Way too often. Do I always know when a glass of chardonnay - especially if it's accompanied by some cheese and crackers - quiets the brain and legitimately slows the pace, and when it's a drift away from something I should be paying attention to? Most times, but not always. Do I always know when I'm firmly heading North or when I'm adrift below the Equator? No, but I get better and better at it. I do what we all do: the best I can. I try to keep my eyes open and recognize the messages. I try to stay the course. And the Universe has done more than its part again and again and again, through miracles great and small, and messages disguised as snazzy little sports cars and songs coming in over the car radio.
Would I trade my assignment for another one? Not in million-billion lifetimes.
Should you want to trade yours? Not in a million-billion lifetimes.
There are many resources out in the world that can help you link into the infallible guidance system that powers our Universe and lets us know when we're "on the beam." My best recommendation, of course, is to find a good astrologer and get a complete reading of your chart from both the karmic and current lifetime's perspectives. If we each do our part and release our potential in the service of our life's purpose, we weave a thread into the tapestry that moves the Universe forward according to its great plan. Your thread is sorely needed. Perfect Together is a length of mine.
So let's return for one last moment now to that porch, with Alice somehow knowing that I had been given the grace of a huge and wonderful gift, wrapped in the mystery of a North Node opportunity. I can tell you that since that time I have never been more or focused or confident or at peace - or uncertain, or self-doubting - in my life. And I have felt more alive and happy and living in the "flow" than I can ever remember. Writing Perfect Together has every moment been just the huge and wonderful gift I somehow knew it would be.
The Universe is trying to send one your way every moment of every day. Keep your eyes open and stay the course.
